The Next Food Network Star: Final Four

Well, that was quite the shocker, wasn't it? Last week I predicted that Nathan would be sent home, but instead it was Andy who got the boot. Andy was wooden in front of the camera and had no discernable personality, but at least he wasn't a jerk. We'll miss you, Andrew Schumacher!

But we won't miss that 'stache.

Nate is still an overtweezed jerk.



Last week I suspected that Reggie's incompetence was part of a redemptive story arc, but now I think that it's Carissa's turn to make the transition from hopelessly flawed to shoo-in for the final two. I think we'll say goodbye to Reggie next.



Carissa's cupcake demo was a mess and her show pitch didn't blow me away, yet the judges insisted that Carissa found her niche. I'm predicting a Guy/Carissa final two.



Speaking of Guy, he blew everyone out of the water in the cupcake demo. I would watch a show with him finding fun and funky ways to present food. His show pitch was alright, but his concept was no more scattered than the other 3. I still think this entire show is a run-up to Guy's evenutal coronation.



I thought all of their show pitches were boring and safe (did I just channel American Idol?), and all of their presentations seemed half-baked, like they'd never considered it before. Plus, they're basically doing what all the other hosts do. I can't believe Bob Tuschman gave Reggie a hard time: "Why would we want to have 2 Southern cooking shows? We already have Paula Deen." How many Italian shows does the Food Network have? Four? Shame on the contestants for being bland and predictable, and shame on the judges and Food Network for moving the network in such a boring direction*.

Alton Brown was awesome, and I loved the practical advice he gave to each of the contestants. That man has some serious wisdom. I would totally purchase an "Alton Brown's Guide to Life".



Next week Paula Deen is a guest, and in the previews she looked really rough. Uh oh, I hope she's not overextending herself a la Rachael Ray.



*Awhile back I came up with some ideas for new Food Network shows. I know, I know, dream on. But still, I haven't given up hope. (Also, I saw Padma Lakshmi on some Travel Channel show the other day. She was showing Jeremy Piven around India.)

The Next Food Network Star: Digging Deep

I finally got a chance to catch up on the second season of The Next Food Network Star. After watching all 4 hours last night, I can firmly say that I want everyone to lose.

Seriously, Food Network, this is the best you can do? Out of 10,000 applications, these are the 8 you chose? I haven't been this appalled by my choices (or lack thereof) since the last election. It's the boring team (Jess, Beth, Andy) versus the pompous team (Nathan, Carissa, Guy).

Still, I watch this stuff so you don't have to, so I will soldier on. A quick recap:

The first to go was Jess. Girlfriend seemed so nervous at times that I was hoping for a mercy elimination. I think she was too.



Next up was Beth. I kept forgetting she was in the competition. Boring, bland.



The third contestant to get the boot was Sofrito, er, Evette. I'm all for Food Network getting more ethnic cooking shows, but the omnipresent jar of Goya Sofrito was pretty weak. I did feel sorry for her as she was picked on by Nathan ("f***ing Sofrito!") and Clarissa ("How's that tiramisu coming along?"). I don't think Evette's heart was really in it.



Nathan is still in there, but barely. I predict he'll be going home next. He's one arrogant dude, and I did have a good laugh when he took us back to his modeling days, complete with a wistful reference to his "beautiful flowing blond hair".



Reggie seems like a nice guy. I think the NFNS editors are playing up his supposed incompetence, probably to manufacture a "look how far Reggie has come!" storyline in the remaining episodes. Yes, I am a disciple of Bunim/Murray shows and America's Next Top Model. I think he'll stick around for awhile.



I think Andy is the best cook of them all, and I love the way I can actually learn something from him. I also liked the way he helped Reggie with the lemongrass in the team challenge, but without showboating or condescending to Reggie. That said, Andy needs a date with a razor asap. His fuzzy moustache screams "statuatory rapist stoner" to me.



I'll be surprised if Guy doesn't win this thing. He's arrogant, loud, and obnoxious, but he's the only one out of the 8 contestants that seems remotely camera-ready. He's Emeril with a bad bleach job. This entire competition just seems like a formality before they give Guy his own show.



Last and least, Carissa. I can't explain my instant, visceral hatred for this woman. Even if she didn't have 15 bikini shots each episode, I still couldn't stand her. She strikes me as having a huge sense of entitlement, and she whines like a spoiled brat when things don't go her way. Carissa is one of those women who has never had any girlfriends and can't figure out why, while the entire time she's scheming to steal all the men. She's like the poor man's Sandra Lee.

Another thing: I'm sure they didn't teach her to have those hooker nails at Le Cordon Bleu. I was waiting for Giada to call Carissa out on the nails, but instead Giada told her to get rid of the jewelry.



Bobby Flay has been deliciously snarky; he's definitely in his element.



I still think the other judges, Susie and Bob, are jerks, but I can live with that because I too feel like a jerk while watching this show. One thing I notice is that the judges keep admonishing the contestants for behavior that is prevalent all over the Food Network, such as overusing cutesy catch phrases.

Speaking of Rachael Ray, her guest appearance was typical Ray-Ray upper-fueled blather. No surprises there.

Sandra Lee's appearance was remarkable if only for the fact that they consider her to be some kind of authority on cooking.

I am becoming a full-on Giada fan, partially due to my realization that she has the best catalog of recipes of any Food Network host, and partially because of her Chefography episode. One of my pet peeves is celebrities who bemoan their success and insist that they did not want to become famous, because most of the time I believe it to be a transparent ploy to sound like they are down to earth. In Giada's case, however, I totally believe that she did not want to be in the spotlight and is instead driven by her love of food and tradition. Plus, I would give my first born to have skin like this:



In the promo clip for next week's episode, guest judge Alton Brown looks to be showing the contestants some tough love ("If you can't do this in under 10 seconds, you should leave right now.") From the short clip they showed, I get a strong "I'm only doing this because it's in my contract" vibe from Alton. Alton's opinions mean the most to me, so I'm curious to see how he assesses the contestants.



Dave Lieberman is also on next week's show, and the week after features Paula Deen.


Here are some gratuitous shots of Rachael Ray looking haggard:

Sandra Lee Gone Wild

In this clip from Semi-Homemade Cooking, Sandra Lee describes some drunken shenanigans.


Sandra, you ain't got to lie! This really happened last year, didn't it?!

Celebrity Cooking Showdown: A Motley Crew

In the world of strange Hollywood pairings, I think this one takes the cake:

Growing Pains star Alan Thicke is set to host the celebrity cooking show being developed by Puff Daddy/P.Diddy and Wolfgang Puck.

The actor will co-host Celebrity Cooking Showdown with The Food Network's Sandra Lee.

Where do we go from here?






Let's hope this show fares better than Thicke of the Night.

Just check out the list of participants:

Celebrity participants facing off in the kitchen include: supermodel Naomi Campbell, Allison Sweeney (NBC's "Days of our Lives"), Big Kenny (country music's superstar duo, Big and Rich), comedic actor Tom Arnold ("True Lies"), football star Tony Gonzales (Kansas City Chiefs), rapper/actor Ja Rule ("Assault on Precinct 13"), professional volleyball player/model Gabrielle Reese, musician/reality star Ashley Parker Angel (MTV's "There and Back") and the reigning Miss USA 2005 Chelsea Cooley.

This is kind of like Iron Chef meets Surreal Life meets American Idol. Needless to say, I can't wait!

Paula Deen, the Butter Queen

We all know Paula likes her some butter. But drinking melted butter? This is Fear Factor-style!








I'm just afraid that if Paula keeps this up, she may have to contact Sandra Lee for a good bypass surgeon.

(Images TVGasm)

Checking in on Rachael Ray

Rachael Ray was on Oprah yesterday. She's on Oprah fairly regularly these days, as Oprah will be producing Rachael's upcoming talk show. I've covered Rachael pretty extensively in the past, but I had to take a break from her because she was driving me batty. Yesterday I tuned into Oprah to see if Rachael was still annoying, or if she had finally calmed down. Had her handlers reined her in?

Here's your answer to that question:



Rachael was as crazy as ever. She led us on a tour of the street food of NYC, and these stills are from the first 10 seconds of the segment:







Ho boy. She actually did look a lot better in that segment than the last time she was on Oprah, where she looked quite a bit heavier and had people (okay, just me) speculating that she was pregnant:



First, she takes us to get coffee. Actually, she calls it "cuppa joe" and then explains that her original term means "coffee" for the rest of us.



Rachael then takes us to get Indian food, bratwurst, and Chinese.



Standard $40 a Day or Tasty Travels nonsense.

Then Rachael was live in Oprah's studio cooking a dish called "You Won't Be Single For Long Vodka Pasta". Really:



Whatever. I keep thinking that Rachael will return to being the sweet little Food Network host we all loved so much circa 2004, but it looks like that's not going to happen.

I remember reading an article in the first issue of Every Day with Rachael Ray where Rachael says that she hardly eats and instead smokes and drinks coffee all day long (and we all know how she loves her wine). While she looks good for 37, she can hardly keep this up forever:





And all the she rasps like she's developed a three-pack-a-day habit. Really, it's closer to "respiratory problem" than "sexy".





I will continue to hope that Rachael's overexposure will abate and her personality will go back to normal. After all, I used to like Rachael! Unfortunately, I must continue my Rachael hiatus for now. Until she straightens out, I say, "Peace out, Rachael!"





P.S. It's pretty bad when the Rachael Ray segment was the second weirdest part of the Oprah show: