Friday, November 25, 2005

Friday Frozen Dinner's Guide to Emeril

I can't help but like Emeril. The food he cooks looks tasty, he's knowledgable and he seems like a nice guy.

What's that? You can't stand Emeril Live? That's okay, neither can I.

In my mind, there are two Emerils. There is Quiet Emeril of Essence of Emeril and Loud Emeril of Emeril Live. Quiet Emeril is chill (and sometimes even looks like he's been partaking in some, shall we say, herbal remedies). Loud Emeril is brash and a showboat. Half the things Loud Emeril says don't make sense; it's like listening to someone play a videogame in another room.


Exhibit A: Essence of Emeril


Exhibit B: Emeril Live

In short, Emeril is just like my grandpa. If it's just a small group, my grandpa is relaxed and fun to be around. But as soon as he's in a crowd, my grandpa's inner Entertainer comes out, and pretty soon it's nonstop jokes, pronouncements and interruptions. It's charming when you first meet him, but it gets old quick. Emeril is a cook by trade but really wants to be an entertainer (evidenced by his short-lived sitcom, Emeril). My grandpa was a carpenter by trade but really wanted to be an entertainer (evidenced by his forays into music, including the saxophone, harmonica and saw). The secret to enjoying their company is to control your environment, set boundaries, and keep them away from crowds at all costs. I do this by only visiting my grandpa on non-holidays, and by only watching Emeril when he's not in a room with 100 enablers people straight out of 1989 tourists.




Without further ado, Armchair Cook presents the Guide to Emeril:


Quiet Emeril: "Confucious says..."


Loud Emeril: "KICK IT UP ANOTHER NOTCH!"



Quiet Emeril: < silence >


Loud Emeril: "BAAAAAM!"



"Quiet Emeril: "Painting breadsticks is a good way to get in touch with nature."


Loud Emeril: "OH YEAH, BABY!"



Quiet Emeril: "I enjoy a white wine."


Loud Emeril: "I AM THE WHITE WIZARD!"

2 comments:

Ray Hernandez said...

You forgot about him being "Elzar" on futurama:

Emeril on Futurama

books said...

OK, this is the first blog were I've gone through and read every post. You are HYSTERICAL! I do not share you love of old Emmy even though he's from my homestate. Word on the street is he got into a tango with some people over "Cajun Blast" seasoning, http://www.cajunblast.com/