Sunday, October 30, 2005

Sandra Lee: Trick or Treat?


Let's talk about Sandra Lee. She hosts Semi-Homemade Cooking, but it's really more like half-assed cooking. She looks like she may have once been a mean sorority sister (the University of Wisconsin is her alma mater). Her soon-to-be-ex-husband has more money than God.

I should hate her, right? Nope, I love Sandra Lee. Sandra is like your aunt who's been married 4 times and doesn't have any kids. She works in a salon and drives a convertible. She drinks a little too much and most of the family is embarrassed by her, but you always try to sit next to her at Christmas because she's the most interesting one at the table. Who cares if she dresses a little inappropriately and she hit on your seventh grade teacher? She's the one who taught you how to put on makeup and she's the one who told you all the family secrets when you turned 18. When a boy breaks your heart, you're not going to call Mom, you're going to call Aunt Sandra, who will sit on the other end of the line drinking a bottle of wine and agree that he's a bastard for treating you like that and she never liked him anyway.

If you're a guy, you'd just be stoked to have a hot aunt.

Sandra Lee may be the Black Sheep of the Food Network family, but it wouldn't be the same without her. Who else would suggest buying pre-sliced vegetables for your pizza? Pre-sliced vegetables? That's just the beginning! According to Sandra, you can also use canned spaghetti sauce on your pizza. You hear that? That's Giadadada de Laurentiiiiiiiis wailing in horror! You can also use pre-crumbled cookies to top your cupcakes! They really sell pre-sliced veggies and pre-crumbled cookies? Americans really are lazy!


Sandra was anything but lazy when it came the costumes on her Halloween Special. She was a princess, a French maid, a can-can dancer, and a dairy maid. Four costume changes in 30 minutes? Beat that, Rachael Ray! Her boobs were popping out of the princess outfit, and I swear the cameramen were trying to obscure her breasts, Austin Powers-style, with the centerpieces on the table. The last thing the Food Network needs is a Sandra Lee wardrobe malfunction*.

I hear that Sandra Lee is getting divorced. Now, I don't want to start any rumors or anything, but did anyone else notice the vibe that she had with Tyler Florence? Was I the one only who feel the electricty pulsating between the bolts on Frankenstein's forehead and her cleavage? I'm officially on the lookout for any Sandra-Tyler gossip, because they were way too chummy on the show to escape that kind of speculation. Sandra is almost single and word has it that Tyler is a bachelor, so it wouldn't surprise me if they cooked up another joint venture. I really hope the Ghoul Aid they made together was just the beginning.

Happy Halloween, Sandra Lee. I'll definitely be sitting next to you at Christmas this year.



*Although it would please the many visitors who arrive to my site by searching for "sandra lee naked" and its variants.

38 comments:

Bejeweled said...

I love your site. I just came across it and your writing is entertaining. I watch the Food Network ALL the time. I'm glad to read your thoughts on the shows and their "celeb". Looking forward to reading more.

Armchair Cook said...

Thanks for checking out my blog! I'm glad I'm not the only Food Network junkie out there!

James said...

I'm a Sandra Lee fan, albeit of the "oh my gawd did she really just do that?" variety, but: did I watch the same show you did?

I thought there was no chemistry at all between them; they kept stepping on each others lines and getting in each others way; the atmosphere seemed a frosty mixture of "it's my show" and "I'm the one who can cook".

Anonymous said...

I think like you. She is so bad but so popular,that people go out of there way to tape her programs,make it a priority to go on Food Networks site and write bad reviews before they even air the show.The forums about her are absolutely ridiculous.They attack her almost violently.They criticize her mental abilities ,her hair,makeup,hands,body,breasts,her family,her husband,they take the news of her divorce almost with glee.They call her vulgar names,slop,lush,drunken sot,whore,bitch,idiot,stupid,retarded,slut,tramp,trophy wife,dumbass the list goes on and on.There is something about her that make people who despise her watch her show,buy her books,calenders,and what ever it is they can find that she is associated with.She has feelings just like anyone,cant people leave her alone?No. The imbeciles will continue to insult her.She is everything they arent,rich,beautiful,intelligent,famous,and from some of the things if read very generous hearted and active in charities and worthy causes.I mean people get over your jealousy and try too improve your selfs.Seek therapy.

Armchair Cook said...

James: Interesting take. I thought their chemistry was more of the Brad-Angelina variety when they were still denying they ever slept together. See: http://popsugar.com/131

Anonymous: I have a soft spot for Sandra but I can totally understand why others wouldn't like her.

The only thing I'm jealous of is her impending gigantic divorce settlement.

Foodie said...

You've pegged Sandra, the whore-able Semi-homeade wench just perfectly.

Enjoyed your insight and can totally relate to watching for the many WTF moments of each episode.

She does provide fodder for some snarkaliciousness, though. Can I set next to you setting next to Sandra at Christmas? Pretty please??

tizzle said...

Sandra Lee's dark eye makeup and rockin' body wins me over everytime. Doesn't she remind you a the porn star next door. I will admit that I have fantasized about her more then once and she is a straight up MILF. Listen folks, I don't really remember anything that she makes or really care if it's Semi-HO made. However I can describe all her outfits,costumes and which tops highlighted her perfect breasts. FYI..they're real and they're spectacular.

That's MIZZ Gypsy To You! said...

I seem to recall reading your Shamdra Lee article earlier but for some reason I found it today and read it like it was new. Thank you for your entertaining description of this most hysterical comedy show on Food Network.

tom said...

Lets forget Sandra and get Giada to let those huge tits out of her top! She obviously has no problem showing them off with all the camera angles down her shirt. So let her cook topless, or nude for that matter. Then bang a new guy on every episode - that would make a great cooking show! Oh yeah, she can cook a little as well, but more shots on her hot body!

Jacqui said...

Sandra Lee is the biggest joke on the FoodNetwork. I mean really...using pre-cooked, pre-made, pre-formed everything, using more store bought pre-pared food for barely appealing "recipes"?????

Beyond that and even more irritating is that she dresses in clothes AND decorates her kitchen for each show to match the color of the food she's making on that show! Honestly, who dresses themselves and their kitchen to match their meal.

One more thing...have you ever noticed that EVERY meal, no matter if it's breakfast, lunch, dinner, or a party is always always accompanied by a cocktail? I wonder if she really eats the food she makes or if she just drinks the cocktails. Perhaps the alcohol prevents one's taste buds from having to deal with the taste of what she cooks.

Who gave this empty headed blonde airtime anyway?

Rachel said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who realizes Sandra Lee is definitely the Food Network's slutty lush. The Halloween cleavage was ridiculous!

I just can't watch her show because of the ridiculous re-decorations of her kitchen based on what food she's cooking. And it looks like it's shot through pantyhose. And her overpowering eyeliner. And the way she says "so"... listen for it.

docs97405 said...

How can ANYONE have an issue with Sandra Lee after having hour after hour after hour of Rachel Ray Jammed down our throats. My God Does HER daddy OWN the Network? Rachel Ray may be "Cute" to her Mommy and Daddy but she's waaaaaay toooo much for those of us with IQ's above 10.

Dom Durante said...

I think Sandra Lee is the perfect compliment to the other cooking shows. There are times more often than not a person needs to make and extra ordinary meal and not spend a lot of time on it. I'm talking mainly Monday through Friday, when most of us work. Sandra, I believe, does a great job making her meals look easy and has a nice personality. Being she hasn't shown up in The National Inquirer drunk with Tyler, nobody should crucify her. If you don't enjoy her just do what you do with any other TV show you don't care to watch and switch channels but I won't.

csidoti said...

i agree, she & tyler have chemistry-its obvious-her cleavage was even more obvious- she is definatley the tv food network slutty lush!

Gary said...

Greeting all, first time on here! Anyway, lets talk Sandra Lee! This women does it for me! Brains and beauty! I was wondering if she has EVER done a nude spread? I wonder if Playboy would contact her to do a spread! Love to see it!

shanghi_red said...

I can't believe anyone actually watches that bimbo for the cooking! Me.....I'm anxiously awaiting a wardrobe malfunction. I sure hope Tyler has a little more sense than to get tied up with that airhead.

san-san said...

to anyone who has ever said anything less than sandra lee is the most beautiful and dignified person that has ever grazed your tv on food network is not only lying to themseves and aparently retarted but has no idea how much hate (and hate being an absolute under statement) i have for your worthless and gut-less existence. and anyone who has meet or loves sandra like i do would be right behind me on this.

bboomer1948 said...

My goodness, you would have to be insane not to love Sandra Lee...
Believe me. I don't watch for her recipes, even though her cooking looks delicious... I watch her for the eye candy, and a little starter fluid for my bar.b.que.
Just have to love her wonderful figure, beautiful breasts and great caboose.

Dale said...

I just found this blog and I love it. I have to say Sandra Lee definitely has the look of medium budget internet porn. I can totally see her on MILF Hunter...here's to hope.

Andrew said...

Hate Hate Hate Hate. Seriously what is wrong with half of you people. Do you really search out blogspots online so you can bash someone you don't like. Maybe you should take some advice your Aunt Millie gave you once and say nothing if you have nothing to say at all. Its fairly obvious that Sandra Lee doesn't have or display the skills many other chefs on the food network have. But did you ever think that there are some people out there who just can't cook like Mario Batali. The foodnetwork being the giant BUISNESS that it is knows that sex sells and theres nothing sexier than Sandra Lee in a french maid outfit with her huge breasts popping out. So how better attract a 20-30 something male crowd than her, they definitely won't have your obese, housewife blogwriting jowel on screen.

Rick said...

I agree with half of you, she is a MILF!! If I was running the food network, I would change the format some. Sandra would be wearing more see thru tops with nice little laces bras, wrap arounds dresses, short skirts, just less clothes. Plus give her some new dialog, that would change the way we look at cooking. I would have to DVR it, and make it a late night show for myself. R

Kevin said...

This is the funniest thing I've seen since I found the Chuck Norris facts website. Hilarious! She really does remind me of the "cool" alcoholic aunt that no one ever talks about.

windwalker said...

Sandra lee looks highly edible to me!

Robes said...

Who cares what the heck she is or isn't making or how good it is or isn't. She looks great making it. Never realized she had such shapely legs.

Tony said...

I love it! I'm fast becoming the president of the Sandra Lee, admit it you love to hate her fan club. Food Network is definitely the bum wine of food telly.

I had a Thanksgiving post myself about Miss Sandra and her friends... Thanksgiving made easy?.

Must go now, it is cocktail time.

floridaguy said...

Sandra is hot! I would sit next to her anywhere. I love to watch her show just to see what she's wearing...AND cooking!

HungryMan said...

I Think Sandra Lee is hot. As a bachelor I have tried her recipes and have gotten rave reviews from girl friends. Any guy that feels she is not "Yummy" must be gay. I do believe people that write bad stuff of her are jealous or darn right ugly. I'd love to meet her.
Your a Babe Sandra and a real help in my kitchen.......

johnnybuckets said...

Be very careful what comments you leave on this bitches blog or she will remove them ! So much for freedom of speech in this country ! People like you cry about their first amendment rights but their the first ones to abolish the rights of others ! Your a pathetic joke ! No wonder you only get one comment a year lol !!! Bye Bye !!! Happy blogging !

Joe said...

I LOVE Sandra Lee and just heard that she's going to be in Chicago September the 13th! She's gonna sign books and probably talk to the people there. I'm so getting a photo with her! Here's the link for all you Food Network/Sandra Lee fans: www.thepeapodproject.com

kershel said...

I love your site.Ijust came accross your cook book and read it.I watch the FOOD NETWORK ALL the time.I`m glad to read your thoughts on the shows and their celeb.Looking forward to reading more.

slk said...

I really wish Sandra would get her hands on a food thesaurus...all she can say when she describes her food is that it's "great" and has a lot of "flavor"...they could make a drinking game out of how many times she says "great" & "flavor" each show...perfect since she'll no doubt be the one with the cocktails!!

slk said...

I really wish Sandra would get her hands on a food thesaurus...all she can say when she describes her food is that it's "great" and has a lot of "flavor"...they could make a drinking game out of how many times she says "great" & "flavor" each show...perfect since she'll no doubt be the one with the cocktails!!

slk said...

I really wish Sandra would get her hands on a food thesaurus...all she can say when she describes her food is that it's "great" and has a lot of "flavor"...they could make a drinking game out of how many times she says "great" & "flavor" each show...perfect since she'll no doubt be the one with the cocktails!!

Tony said...

I am sitting here right now watching Sandie smother raw chicken in ceaser dressing and chopping up lettuce. The problem is that this is all destined to go on top of a pizza!

The woman is not right, but I can't help but watch her show. I an concentrating my ire on Rachael Ray now.

HarveyD said...

I love her,,,watching her now.

I even love her cooking, oh the set is overdone but who cares?

Someone mentioned the 20 to 30 set loving her,,,I am 66 and am madly in love with her. I sure hope she likes older men as I would like to volunteer to be her boyfriend any time she is available.

I do love the food channel and Rachel Ray is not on my list to watch any more,,I don't have many of the things for her recipes and can't buy them in this county. (We don't even have a McDs :-) )

I read all the comments,,,still love the girl. She seems nice, if she is that nice off camera,,,that would be great to have her as a friend. She can call me any time :-)
Harvey D.

HarveyD said...

Where has everyone been lately,,,looks like its been a while since folks posted...or am I missing something?

I think Sandra probably only drinks the kiddie coctails,,,hahahaahahah

ThinlyVeiled said...

The greatest thing about this chick is she's in her mid 40s but she looks a lot younger than that.

So, she has the damn genes.

She'll probably still look really good when she's, like, 60.

And, her interests: booze, and food.

I don't see why there's so much Sandra Lee hatin' goin' on in the internet. As far as I'm concerned her picture should be on postage stamps.

HarveyD said...

I think her picture should be one of her sitting next to me on the sofa, holding my hand and staring at me lovingly.
OH,,,right after she fixed me dinner and a drink :-)